Dear Mama,
I know I said that things would be easier to tell you in a letter, but I’m still sort of dazed by everything and my words are lost. April Turtle is now my daughter and the events that made this possible are still baffling to me. Steven and Hope, that’s Estavan and Esperanza, played the part of Turtle’s legitimate parents. They signed the adoption papers that I’m holding in my hand right now. I have a daughter Mama, she’s all mine and I don’t know what kind of mother I’ll be to her, but then again I’m sure you didn’t know what kind of a mother you’d be to me.
I’m scared Mama; I’m scared that I’ll mess up in someway and she’ll just hate me forever or even worse. I’m terrified that someone will come and try to take her away from me. She’s had such a horrible life with people abusing her and trying every conceivable way to get rid of her. I just want her to feel safe; I want to offer her security in this insecure world. As Estavan says "in a world as wrong as this one, all we can do is to make things as right as we can," and that’s what I intend to do for April.
I’m not sure where Estavan and Esperanza are now. The last letter I received from Estevan was post marked in Colorado, but they could just as easily be in Washington or Wisconsin for all I know. The last time I touched him he was happy and in a safe place, I hope that much has stayed the same. I pray that someday I’ll get a blank post card from Guatemala, that would be his way of letting me know he was home and safe. I wonder if Esperanza knows how lucky she is to have him.
Turtle is growing like a week and her vocabulary is expanding past produce, though longer conversations usually delve into the reciting of every known bean on the face of the planet. Her hair is growing out and she is clearly recognizable as a little girl; a filthy little girl covered in dirt from the garden, but I swear to you a little girl is under there somewhere.
Lou Anne is getting married to a man as Black as midnight. Her mother all but disowned her and not surprisingly Lou Anne is in better spirits from the lack of contact with her bickering mother.
How do you like married life? Is the hubby treating you right? Maybe you could take some time away from the garden club and come out to visit your granddaughter and her immaculate rows of potatoes and buried hot wheels. I’m looking forward to meeting my stepfather and checking up on you. I hope this letter finds you well.
Love Taylor and Turtle