Dear Diary:

There have been so many things going through my head right now and the biggest thing that is going on is that I think I’m dying. I tried to spend the night at Mr. Antolini’s but I think he’s a big phony pervert so I left. I ended up having to sleep in Grand Central Station. I’m getting a little lonely in the city, it’s just, well, I think I’m changing in a way but I’m not for sure. I get this feeling that everything around me is changing and I feel the same, but no one will remember me or something. I got this crazy idea that I wanted to just skip town and build a cabin and find a deaf-mute girlfriend and live happily together forever. I’m actually getting pretty excited about it. I went up to old Phoebe’s school to let her know that I was getting the hell out of dodge. I also wanted to give her Christmas dough back, so I told her to meet me at the Museum. I walked to the Museum and it seemed like forever waiting for old Phoebe so I was just messing around with the two kids for the hell of it. I also passed out in the bathroom; I’m lucky I didn’t kill myself. I finally found old Phoebe and she had a suitcase with her, old phoebe thought she was coming with me or something. She actually got quite pissed and snotty when I told her she couldn’t go. She finally talked to me and I let her get on the carousel. I for some reason realized that ever since Allie died, I’ve wanted to keep everything the same, just like how a carousel goes in the same path all the time, but I think it’s time for a change, but that’s all I want you to know for now, and to anyone who reads this, good riddance you phony bastards!