August 25

Dear Diary,

Hello. It’s has been a long summer. The leaves are beginning to change now, along with my life and the things around me. School has just begun, and now that my mother has died, I feel no desire to go. The kids look at me funny and I can hear whispers in the lunchroom. Now that my mother is gone, I am very confused, and don’t know what I really have to live for.

Everyone knows it was my father’s fault. I hate him. He is a drunken bastard. If I went the rest of my life without seeing his face, it would make no difference to me. I make all my own meals, and hide in my bedroom until I hear them leave again. I steal money from the mailbox every time it comes. I figure that when I run away, I will need the money to survive. Must go, I hear him stumbling on the porch.

Ellen

November 13

Dear Diary,

The days are getting shorter, and time is growing longer. The longer I stay locked up in this house, the sooner something bad will happen. Christmas is coming, and I have begun to think over what it is I have to celebrate. That is nothing. I feel like a hermit being locked up in this house. I know I am invited to celebrate Christmas with Starletta, but I can’t afford to get sick this time of the year. Black folk may carry some sickness that I might catch. Maybe I’ll go over there, but I can’t eat. I’ll just act like I am not hungry. Oh, what a lie. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for a good home cooked meal.

That asshole I am supposed to call my dad comes home less and less. To tell you the truth I have almost forgot what he looks like. He brings his friends home sometimes, and I am afraid they will do bad things to me. I don’t feel safe here. I’ve got to get out.

It is hard to sleep because I miss her so much.

Lonely,

Ellen

December 17

Dear Diary,

I have to get out. Asshole brought his friends over the other night and they ate all my food. One of them even did bad things to me. I feel so violated. I was used to the abuse from him, but another person was just too much for me.

I wonder if she is watching over me. I bet she is a lot happier up there. I guess any place is happier then here. God, what I would do to touch her hair again. I am dying.

Aunt Betsy came over the other day and took everything I had left of hers. She has no use for it, but I am sure that it will make lots of money. I wish they would come and save me.

Snowfall has come, and Starletta’s daddy took me to the store the other day. I got myself some Christmas presents and wrapped them in crisp paper. I snuck them some silverware when he wasn’t looking. I wish Starletta were older so she could help me understand what is going on. She is so innocent. I can’t wait to open my new presents. It is nice to receive things once and a while.

Dad is arriving home; I must turn off the light. (If it weren’t for me paying the bills, I wouldn’t have any light.)

Mom, if you can read this…I love you. Merry Christmas.

Ellen